Take me Forevermore

This morning I posted this on Bookface, and thought I'd share it here too. 

I sure don't profess to be a poet, and I'm sure this is terrible from a literary standpoint. But I just pulled an allnighter, and those get me thinking a little more deeply sometimes. So here's tonight's ramble. :)

Oh my Dear Savior,

Sometimes I just long to be with You so much.

To see Your loving face, to feel Your touch.

I long to go to meet those who have gone on before

And hear how Your mercy brought them through to that door.

I long to see this beautiful home that You've prepared for me

The streets of gold, all things being new, and always shall be.

But more than that, O Lord, I'll rejoice for I shall never more sin

My wicked flesh which despairs me now shall never again win.

You, my loving Father, will I forever cease to fail

Completely broken free from wretched sin's jail.

You say I won't cry anymore, but maybe I will want to

To cry tears of joy in full relief that I will never again disappoint You.

You have forgiven my sin, but I still mess up so badly

And daily I must ask forgiveness, and You give it so gladly.

Oh, but Lord! For now, You have me still on earth in this world

So please keep me marching on for You, Your Gospel flag unfurled.

Patience I lack, and so little faith to believe

But by Your grace I trust Your promise, "Ask and ye shall receive."

Please wash from me my pride, my hate, my greed

Create in me a clean heart and spirit, this is what I need.

Tear down my earthly joys so vain, my safety, self, my sin

For unless all else is destroyed, there is not room enough to let You in.

So come, Lord Jesus, come into me and work

Build in me the mind of You, cast out my filthy murk.

Keep me abiding always forevermore, never leaving your feet's throne

For to wander and stray away, my heart is so prone.

My life, my soul, my every thought, I impart to you again right now

And when the time is right, Oh please hasten that at last, sinless in glory may I bow!

~Esserita 

Hey There, Hobo

     Hi. I'm a hobo.

     Most people don't think of me as one. Some people think I've got my act together. Some people think I don't have bad days. Some people think I'm like spiritually mature or something.

     But really, I'm insecure. I have horrible days. I drift from God.

     However, I am a hobo with some experience in this vagabond life. It hasn't been easy. There have been times when I didn't have anyone in the world to talk to who could care and listen and understand. Not my parents, nor brothers or sisters, or friends. And all I could do was ask, in my depravity and very finite understanding, why God had forsaken me. People quote Romans 8:28 all the time, and say that everything happens for good. But living like you believe it in every single thing that comes in life is a whole, huge, polarly different matter.
     And you know? A hobo who has made it through the hard times and has experienced the most knows better and better how to relate to and help hobos who are struggling now too. And the seemingly experienced ones never stop learning. The new ones know stuff the older ones wish they knew. We're all in this together, figuring things out as we go along.
     We don't have any 'money' to magically exchange for what we need. We're a classless system. We have to beg our Provider every day for our daily bread. We are often misunderstood.
     Somedays, our Great Provider gives us a ticket into the buffet. And some days, He sees fit to give us dry bread and water. We have such a great time in the buffets, that if they last very long, we often forget the Provider since we've got all we need right there in front of us. We do love the buffets. But it's the days when we've eaten that last crust of bread that we have and have no clue what to do that we know our Provider best. For when all we have is Him, it is then that we realize that He is all we need.

     So fellow hobos? Please join me on my journey. We're both penniless, and we need each other to prod ourselves along. We do have a mission, though no home here. We have a King, though no country. We have a great inheritance, though no rich relations. We have nothing tying us down from reaching our goal. No one can truly hurt us. There is nothing on this path to fear. The journey is rough, but the Destination more worth it than our little minds could ever fathom in a billion years here.

Come along, won't you?




~Esserita


Especially for my fellow hobo Jenn. 

What the King is Counting

"Not what you give
But what you keep
Is what the King is counting."

     I love that part of the song Simple Living by Keith and Kristyn Getty. At the same time, I don't like how uncomfortable it makes me most the time.
     The song tells the story of the rich young ruler in the New Testament, and the poor widow who put all her money into the offering. Think of it like, if a little kid in your area donated $10 to help a children's hospital and it came to public knowledge, he'd probably get some local newspapers' attention, a bunch of viral facebook "reshare" thingies since everyone wants to share the heartwarming story of this kid who gave everything he had to help others. However, if Bill Gates donated $10 to that same children's hospital and it came to public knowledge, he'd probably get a bunch of raised eyebrows, a pagefull of cartoons about him, and much publicity on how this miserly rich guy gave a mere $10. Of course, the hospital could use the boy's or Mr Gate's ten dollars equally - it doesn't matter to them from whom it came. But people care about other people's motives, where their hearts are in the subject. It's not what you give, but what you keep that matters.

     Okay, so  no, I'm not advocating that you sell your iPhone and your laptop and extra clothes and give the profits from that in addition to all your savings to some charity. If God asks you to do that, that's awesome. It's between you two. He doesn't really need your money though. He needs your time, your life, your heart. Spending 30 hours a week helping out Christian organizations and doing stuff at church won't cut it either. God does want you to help out in things like that, but that's not the main thing He's after.

                      [if you don't like long random parables or butter, skip the next 2 paragraphs]
     Have you ever had an obsession with something? Or someone? Let's say I have an obsession with butter (I might really have one, but let's not go there.). When I wake up, the first thing I want to do is go eat some butter. I start my studying for the day with a block of butter sitting next to my computer so I can look at it all the time, and occasionally pick it up to smell it and nibble a piece off it. It's not that I'm trying to add butter to everything. It's that everything else revolves around my butter. Then sometimes I get separated from butter. It's tragic, really. The whole time, I'm thinking about how much I miss my butter.
     Then there's my neighbor Jim. He's a butter fan too. But he tries fitting butter into his life, instead of fitting his life around butter. He dedicates 2 hours a day to keep butter with him. But when it's not those two hours, he doesn't even think about it much. Life often gets busy, and he forgets about his butter.

     Yeah, I think I might be getting into a bit of a tangent. But I think you get my point. If Christ is truly the center of your life and all you have that is of worth to you, then you should be more concerned about the minutes, hours you spend doing stuff that doesn't directly glorify Him or further His Kingdom than the time you do spend handing out bulletins at church.
     But you know... giving up those moments is hard! It's so relaxing to watch an old cartoon on YouTube and watch Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck argue over what season it is! I mean, what better way is there to spend those tired moments when you don't want to do anything that requires intentional brain activity? (yes, this is a confession.) I'm not saying it's a sin to watch that in of itself. But when we attempt to satisfy ourselves with stuff besides Him? It's great at the moment. But since I really should quit being a hypocrite and get to work, I'll just abruptly stop this extensive rambling with a quote by Sir John Piper:

“The greatest enemy of hunger for God is not poison but apple pie. It is not the banquet of the wicked that dulls our appetite for heaven, but endless nibbling at the table of the world. It is not the X-rated video, but the prime-time dribble of triviality we drink in every night.” 

What's Important?

     Well, since I've last posted, I've moved several hundred miles away from my home (this was at the beginning of the year) to work a temporary job in my state's beautiful Capitol. I'm part of the House Floor Staff, which means that I'm a non-partisan worker who does... Just about everything and anything from setting up committee rooms with coffee, driving Representatives to the airport, to passing notes during sessions, to giving tours, to cleaning, to filling in in at a desk in a legislator's office like I am right now. I absolutely LOVE my job and am pretty disappointed that we're already halfway through the session. However, there is one thing that I'd been wishing I could do here in the Capitol that I cannot due to my non-partisan status: Influencing legislators and legislation to reflect my values. One of my favorite activities ever is campaigning and discussing issues that concern me. However, the restrictions on me are to the extent that I must consciously maintain facial expressions that do not reflect agreement or disagreement with a representative speaking during House Floor Sessions. And believe me, that can get tough. =D

     I was eating Sunday afternoon lunch with a few friends I've made, including a Senator whom I have come to deeply respect. We were discussing work, and I was asked about how I enjoyed my job and what I'd like to do in the future. I mentioned how I love my job... and how because of my non-partisanship and constant working throughout the building I can get to know people without the barrier of politics between us... but also how I wished I could be in a position where I could have more influence and make more of a difference. Legislator's staffers have more of an influence on things than you'd ever think. It sometimes seems that it's to the extent that the staff does everything except be the figurehead that shows up in the news. 
     When I said this, the Senator paused and cocked his head. After a moment, he said something in a couple brief sentences that I can't recall well enough to transcribe here, but this is a deepened version of what he told me: "You know, all them issues and bills stuff we have to deal with that goes on is kind of important. However, what's really important is people. God doesn't need bills to get His work accomplished, but He needs people to talk to and encourage people because that's what's really important. In doing that, we can draw them to Him. And you can do that better than we can since we're partisan and have politics in the way. So you can go do the important stuff." 

I love that Senator. 

~Esserita

The Fellowship of the Unashamed

Wow, it's been a long time since I've posted (Sorry Mizzoria!) and it's been an incredibly busy past couple months! I'll try to catch up on a bit of what's been going on in a bit... but for now, here/s a piece that I love a lot. Any of you who went to TeenPact National Convention or watched it live streaming (like I did) may recognize it. :)


I am a part of the fellowship of the Unashamed. I have the Holy Spirit Power. The die has been cast. I have stepped over the line. The decision has been made. I am a disciple of Jesus Christ. I won't look back, let up, slow down, back away, or be still. My past is redeemed, my present makes sense, and my future is secure. I am finished and done with low living, sight walking, small planning, smooth knees, colorless dreams, tame visions, mundane talking, chintzy giving, and dwarfed goals.

I no longer need preeminence, prosperity, position, promotions, plaudits, or popularity. I don't have to be right, first, tops, recognized, praised, regarded, or rewarded. I now live by presence, learn by faith, love by patience, lift by prayer, and labor by power.

My pace is set, my gait is fast, my goal is Heaven, my road is narrow, my way is rough, my companions few, my Guide is reliable, my mission is clear. I cannot be bought, compromised, deterred, lured

away, turned back, diluted, or delayed. I will not flinch in the face of sacrifice, hesitate in the presence of adversity, negotiate at the table of the enemy, ponder at the pool of popularity, or meander in the maze of mediocrity.

I won't give up, back up, let up, or shut up until I've preached up, prayed up, paid up, stored up, and stayed up for the cause of Christ. I am a disciple of Jesus Christ. I must go until He returns, give until I drop, preach until all know, and work until He comes.

And when He comes to get His own, He will have no problem recognizing me. My colors will be clear for "I am not ashamed of the Gospel, because it is the power of God for the salvation of everyone who believes." (Romans 1:16)

--Dr. Bob Moorehead
"The Fellowship of the Unashamed"

"Written by Dr. Bob Moorehead, excerpt from his book, “Words Aptly Spoken.” According to Dr. Moorehead's son, a man in Africa who was murdered for his faith had a copy of this prayer on him when he was martyred."

(Thanks, Tricia, for looking up the background for me ;) )

Blessings,
Esserita

Room Enough

Make me weak, Lord, expel my strength. 
For if I am strong at all, what need do I have of You? 
And there is not room enough for both You and me to be strong.
So crush me down always that Your strength may continually build.

Bring me down, Lord, remind me that I am nothing.
For how shall I rely and trust Your grace if any good thing dwells in me?
There is not room enough for my pride and your love.
So destroy my pride that You may shine.

Take my will, Lord, make me meek.
For how shall I follow You if I desire my own ways?
There is not room enough  for Your will and mine.
So shatter my human dreams that Your path may be seen.

Remove my safety, Lord, render me helpless.
For how shall You be my stronghold when I hide within my hut?
There is not room enough for my weak weapons and Your shield.
So strip me of my tactics and implement your own.*

Conquer my all, Lord, take me prisoner.
For if I have anything, how shall You be any less than nothing to me?
There is not room in life for me and You.
So may You be Everything, and I Nothing. 


~Esserita



*To clarify - I am not saying that we should not have weapons or defend ourselves, but rather that we should trust God to defend us to the extent that if we didn't have the weapons we would trust Him the same. 

Silence.

     When's the last time you just sat there quietly thinking? And I don't mean studying or paying a long visit to the dentist's waiting room wondering when it will finally be your turn for doom. I mean more like just taking the time to think about things in general. Away from the music, chaos, clutter of everyday life. 

     Last evening I was talking to a fellow college student that I met somewhat recently. I said something, and he said he would think it over that night, and mentioned he did a lot of thinking in bed. I asked him if he had trouble sleeping or something... He said no.. he just did a lot of thinking before he went to sleep. 
     It made me think... (ironic, right?) My life is so full of rush here-go there-do this-don't forget that... that even as I'm drifting off to sleep, I take that time to listen to part of a sermon on my iPod. Not that listening to sermons is bad - in fact, it's a rather good thing. And I have a quiet time with God every morning for awhile as I go over things with Him. However, my life lacks that quietly thinking about things in general aspect for the most part. Something tells me that including some of that in my schedule might just help cause things to flow smoother... Forgetting fewer things... less mind-wandering during tasks... yeah. 

So anyways, this Alaskan is going to be saying goodbye to Paul Washer a little more often at night, and hello to.... silence. 

Some Randome Thowts 1.0

So, Esserita finally poked her head back into the blog world and stared in awe at Mizzoria's diligence and faithfulness in continuing to post her awesomeness. 

Just when I think that life can't get much busier, it goes all out to prove me wrong. 

My wall calendar is still on August... Because I like the picture for August on it so much. It has my former governor standing on a sidewalk on a snowy day, all excited about the snow. I love snow so much. 

I applied to work as a night shift janitor at a local daycare/school. It resulted in a frantic couple weeks of getting the required CPR Certification, First Aid Certification, Food Worker Card, fingerprinting, background checks, piles of paperwork, references, and who knows what all else (I don't even know - there was so much I can't even remember it all now). So I guess now if I pass out and stop breathing while scrubbing the floor, I can quickly figure out how to get multiple personalities and get one of me to do CPR on myself... At least the mouth-to-mouth part will be less disgusting. 

So apparently, friction causes heat. And apparently, after a visit to DC this summer, I have discovered where global warming comes from. 

"The only reason people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory." 

I'm pretty sure my head is full of banana peels. Because things keep slipping my mind.

“God never witholds from His child that which His love and wisdom call good. God's refusals are always merciful -- "severe mercies" at times but mercies all the same. God never denies us our hearts desire except to give us something better.” 
~Elisabeth Elliot

And I finish my stuff nice and early and get on the computer at 8 in the morning and go "Good mourning everyone!" Then those East Coasters are like.. "It's noon. I'm eating lunch." Talk about demotivation.. 

Meese out, people. 8) 

~Esserita 

Bokeh Boo Two

I think I'm starting to fall in love with bokeh. Well it's a lot of fun anyways. A couple mornings ago, I found dew on my window screen, and thought it was pretty neat... and therefore took a picture. Or 5. But here's one...

Again, not entirely impressive, but it was fun. :)

~Esserita

Bokeh Boo

A couple weeks ago, I was chatting on Skype with a couple good friends of mine, and they were discussing something called "Bokeh"... I had't heard that term before, though I was quite familiar with the concept. A few days later, I happened to be sitting in a restaurant taking random macros of my water glass... and managed to incorporate some bokeh-like stuff in the background.

Prize-winning photo? Probably not. But it was a fun first attempt. :)

~Esserita 

To smell like a chocolate chip cookie...

Saturday night I stayed up extra late, putting together some pizzas for an after-church lunch the following day (well, but the time I got to bed it was already Sunday). Paul Washer and John Piper live in my iPod, so I put in my earphones and tucked the device in my apron pocket.  I had some chocolate chip cookie dough in the refrigerator, and as I neared the end of my project, I decided that as long as I had the oven hot, I might as well throw in a sheet of cookies, right? I began to scrub out some mixing bowls as the sugary morsels spent some quality time with my oven. The first time I checked on them, I decided that they could use just about a minute more. I proceeded to scrub out another bowl and listened to John Piper talk about sleep and swished the soapy bubble-studded water around that lime green bowl and then... Oooh the smell of those cookies just got a little too strong, on the verge of being burnt. Oops! I quickly yanked them out and set them on the counter to cool. They smelled amazing. Yeah, you're technically supposed to wait a minute or two so they don't fall apart and don't burn you, but who cares? I broke off a piece of one, and shortly thereafter found myself grabbing my water bottle to cool my mouth. But the crispy, gooey awesomeness transformed into a contented smile on my tired face and reminded me that chocolate, especially when in hot cookies, is definitely more proof that God loves us.


I inhaled that wondrous smell again, and suddenly, a thought hit me. After applying a few bandages to the place of impact, I pondered on it. 2 Corinthians 2:15 tells us that we are unto God a sweet savour of Christ, in them that are saved, and in them that perish: We are like the aroma, and Christ is like the cookies. We were meant to glorify the Maker through our aroma, and cause others to desire to run and find the Cookies, being so excited about it that they take hold of them regardless of the costs. 




~Esserita 

The Part where the Other Authoress Sneaks in Late...

Well hello there, O aweshume group of blog-readers sitting behind thine computers!


As the title indicates, this is the other Miss Cellaneoae who has the privilege of writing in this blog. I mentioned awhile back to Mizzoria that I thought it would be really fun if we had a blog where both of us could add random thoughts every now and then. And know what? She took me up on it and did all the work to start one! She's just kewl like that. 8)

So, Justin Case you don't know too much about me yet (besides that I like making up my own spellings for certain words..), let me tell you a bit about myself. If you don't let me tell you a bit about myself... well... I'd like to see you try to do that anyways. So yeah. Did I mention I tend to ramble when writing things like this? Especially when I've had a busy week and a busier week ahead? No wait I didn't tell you that... I haven't told you about myself yet. 


    Anyways, I go by Esserita on this blog. Do people call me "Esserita" in real life, you ask? No, actually, as a matter of fact, they don't. However, if you come over and visit me, you are welcome to call me that and be the first to do so. 


    Just how far do you have to travel to visit me? Well that depends on where you live, of course. Oh, and I live in Alaska. And I love running barefoot in the snow. Winter is most definitely the best season ever.

    I am currently pursuing a BA in Political Science. (HA! And just when you had started to think I was smart or something, right? Wait, what was that? Oh, never mind then.) 


    My life motto is as follows, and I quote: Sleep is a definite symptom of coffee deprivation.
Well maybe that wasn't quite my life motto per se... But it certainly is important.


    Well, I could go on about random things about me, but if you don't know anything else about me, one thing you must know - I am a wretched sinner whom the Creator of the world loves and saved from desperate wretchedness. To this day, I still cannot figure out why He would love someone like me... But He does. And I am eternally grateful to Him for it, and pray that people would see Him in me. 


So yeah! I'd love to hear from you all. Thanks for reading!